Singer Accredits Success To Small Child From Another Plane

After his latest publicity stunt of attempted suicide, it isn't uncommon to see the lead singer of the band "Skunklefunk" in the news. The hit vocalist Trevor_Candy had hit rock bottom just last month after "Heavy dabbling in drugs", as the band's drummer, PilesOfBrown, recalled:

"Really, he just couldn't handle the pressure after our band had unlocked a new set list," stated the Brown, "I think it's always hardest for the singer...but him talking about suicide was a real wake up call for us. I mean... This was serious shit,"

Luckily, the singer pulled through his addiction, and could ultimately attribute his rise back to the top of the charts to his conversion to Buddhism. However, all successes come with a price. It was early in the afternoon last Monday when Candy was found reaching enlightenment, the ultimate goal of followers of the Buddhist faith. According to testimonies from the band themselves, Candy was saying things of how his life was "Simply a small piece of entertainment for a family or group of friends" and that "His recent success could only be the work of a 7 year old boy".

"(I) couldn't help but cry when he said that," states the group's bassist, default. "Really, it wasn't so much his conversion that shocked us, or this strange conclusion of his, but to think he'd think some kid was in control of his fate as a musician? It broke my heart. I mean, would you play music with someone who could, at any minute, drop everything for 'snack time' and to color with crayons?"

Undoubtedly, the fans were moved by this strange announcement as well. Seeing their idol attribute all his hits to "A 7 year old boy singing covers of songs from elsewhere" certainly took a toll on record sales. The band is already making plans to cancel their concert in Dublin due to "People unable to accept this harsh truth," stated Candy, blunty.

He went on to say that "He would've stopped playing after the summer ended, anyway. School would've gotten in the way, and his brother would most likely over-write our save file..."

After a short week of listening to Candy's long-winded and confusing rants, the band's morale was reduced to only a shadow of what it once was. The fate of "Skunklefunk" looks grim, especially after Candy's potential 'vow of silence'.